Learning to Love My Teen the Way He Needs to Be Loved

By Jessica R. Duggins

We all want to be loved, adults and children a like. And when we are loved, when our needs are met, we feel supported, confident, and empowered and all is right in the world. So how does this help when parenting? It reminds us to parent with love first, and responsibility second. Once we are fluent with the way our children respond to love, once we are in tuned with their needs and motivators, we can gain their trust and in turn guide them with cooperation, respect and love to healthy development.

I’m so excited to share one of my favorite visual tools that I use to remind myself of this focus. A simple chart I came across while feeling frustrated in another relationship of importance, my marriage. I found myself feeling resentful, exhausted, over entitled, and unfulfilled. I was in a rut and I put myself there by holding my most loved ones to expectations unbeknownst to them. My expectations. The expectation that they will love me as I expect them too and if they don’t then I will self destruct and hold them all responsible. That’s crazy, right? But all to common, maybe not so dramatic but common. And we deal with it, we live life banging our heads against a padded wall going maybe someday they’ll get it, if I beat it in their heads enough, maybe they will care about the things I care about at my intensity. Why would I really want that anyway? I love these people for who they are and what makes them unique to my heart.

What if instead we empathized, one of my favorite words when it comes to parenting. What makes my kiddo happy, what puts a smile on his face, what lifts his heart? Not mine, not what makes me feel safe and cozy and cared for but from his perspective.

I am a physical lover, I love hugs and cuddles, and spooning, and nuzzles.  And although I may enjoy that and maybe my two year old does also but my teen on the spectrum not so much. Physical contact makes him visibly uncomfortable. That’s not to say he doesn’t return it, but that’s because he knows its my love language, it makes my heart rise when he hugs me on his own, my smile cracks from ear to ear when he kisses me on his own, and he knows it, he’s so smart.

So how do you figure out how your child loves, when they have challenges communicating simple daily needs, or any words at all? Observe and learn. try some different approaches. The chart below is printed out over my computer because that is the place I tend to get most frustrated with my children because I am not trying to focus on them but myself.

5 languages of love- children

This moms site has some great printbles to get you started for free, after a simple email subscription, and I do suggest you print it out and put it somewhere your kids seem to get your goat most, maybe the bathroom, or kitchen. The visual concrete reference will help to create this process of rethinking your approach when parenting and hopefully ease frustration. I did not invent the Five Languages of love, no, just lucky enough to stumble upon Dr. Gary Chapman’s ideas in my research to better my communication and understanding skills in my nuclear family.

True love, unconditional love, is not easy, it does not just happen. You have to do the work and commit to change no matter how uncomfortable it may feel in the beginning. You have to make the effort to see another way of life, of love. As with all new habits, it has to be habitual for results, but when we falter we have to be kind enough to forgive ourselves and start over. Good luck guys, please comment below and share if this chart helped you out or even if  it didn’t.

-JRED

7 Ways to Discipline Your Child By Discipling Yourself: Attitude, It’s Learned From Somewhere Even in Autism

Big J Teaching Little J Basketball
Big J Teaching Little J Basketball

I don’t think I realized my temper was an issue until I moved to the country. I guess that’s because everyone around me also had tempers and although most were very nice people we all reacted similarly when pushed, fight over flight. City life will do that to you. Unfortunately for a parent of a child with autism a temper is one of the worst things I could have modeled.

During one of J’s tantrums, at the height of his rebellious behavior, I caught a glimpse of myself arguing with him. I was trying to rationalize with him but my face said otherwise. I looked like I was arguing with a stranger who threatened my personal space, not my child. My tone was cold, detached from kindness and fairness just straight attitude. My face was so full of anger, eyebrows furrowed, jaw clenched, nostrils flaring. I just looked overall menacing. In my eyes, I was a monster towering over this cowering little innocent who just couldn’t find the words to express himself. And how could he with me scaring the life out of him. Mom, the one person who sort of understood him in this world turning into Mrs. Hyde right before his big frightened eyes, all because he refused to go to school. I knew in that moment that if I saw myself as a monster I’m sure J saw me similarly or worse. I never wanted to be that to him again. I had to find another way to discipline J rather than intimidation and empty threats or I wouldn’t be the only monster, I’d have a mini monster and no one to blame but myself.

Puberty has been a rough transition for J as it is for most teens especially those with special needs. I decided not to medicate him since his behaviors are manageable as of now and he does not pose a threat to himself or others. I was also seeing this new-found awareness of life around him and I did not want to squelch any progress. He still lacked the verbal skills to express himself but J understood what we were saying about him. He also knew when we were annoyed with him even if it was through something as subtle as an eye roll. I could see it affected him like it never did in the past. We had to change just as much as J was. We had to acknowledge him as a young person growing into an adult and not a child that the world had no expectations for. He was creating his own expectations of what he wanted out of life now. He wanted to be treated like an adult, like most teenagers do, he wanted responsibility and the negotiation of compromise. He wanted to be included in the planning of his day and have his choices discussed with him.

Here’s how I discipline my child with mutual respect to foster a relationship of understanding and trust:

  1. I pay attention to his emotions and try my best to acknowledge them so he feels understood and validated. That doesn’t mean I give into them.
  2. I give him good reasons for my actions, simple reasons but usually fair.
  3. I fight the urge to physically dominate him when he resists, I let him go through it and then try to state my needs at an eye level distance, not towering over him.
  4. I check my ego and let go of the feeling that since I am the parent my child must yield to my every demand. Instead I take deep breaths, check myself to make sure I’m not projecting my issues on him and empathize before I act.
  5. I inform J of the rules for every situation be it house, school or bus rules. I inform him of any new ones that may be part of a new experience or place we are headed.
  6. I always give J a warning before handing down a punishment to allow J to redirect himself.
  7. Punishments are given calmly, sternly and fairly. The punishment fits the crime and he is aware of it before it is dealt. Ex: if he is misusing his tech, he will lose time on it. If he is misbehaving somewhere he will lose TV privileges when we get home.

It sounds simple but keeping calm when J is not, can be a challenge of my own discipline. Once I had these options for myself I found that I could redirect my own frustrations, stay focused on the facts rather than my own feelings, follow through and be a calmer mom for him. It’s not always smooth sailing but we get back on course quickly sans casualties. Hope this helps anyone out there dealing with discipline troubles. Please share if this works for you or if you have any ideas you may want to share.

-JRED

5 Apps for Autism

While I was home schooling J, I used his love for tech to my advantage. Unfortunately there is a lot of unproductive technology out there which can lead to stimming. So I tried a lot of different apps before finding some great ones that keep him focused and learning, and having fun. Here are 5 Apps I used to turn my son’s iPad into a learning tool.

1. Pictello– at $19.99 it’s the priciest app on this list but worth it. J has communication challenges and this app supports sentence construction. It also allows him to create a social story of his own with pictures, video, text, and sound.

pictello

2. Shelby’s Quest– $4.99. This app focuses on fine motor and visual perceptive skills. While I was homeschooling I used this during our Occupational Therapy sessions with great success.

Shelby's Quest

3. Endless Alphabet, Reader, Numbers, and Wordplay– Free. Originator Inc. is the team behind these great apps. They each focus on the title indication, they teach letters sounds and words, reading skills and sentence structure, counting and basic addition, and spelling patterns and phonograms. The app itself is free however the packs to add additional words and content start at $4.99 a pack. I suggest trying the free trial first before committing to bundle packs. J loves this whole series so much I’ve even purchased him new packs as positive reinforcement as a reward for good behavior.

Endless Reader

4. Albert– $0.99. This app is so much fun and very challenging, think “Dumb Ways to Die” but for kids. It utilizes all tools of the iPad and even works on iPhone. It also teaches sequence as you are following Albert through out his day waking him up, helping him bathe and get dressed as well as other daily tasks like driving and grocery shopping. These mini games are challenging and as with all the apps I’ve listed I suggest playing it with your child, J and I take turns on Albert and even I don’t pass the challenge sometimes which is a great opportunity to teach J about what to do when we lose at a game.

Albert

5. Dr. Seuss Books– Oceanhouse Media brings the beloved Dr. Seuss’ books to life. An interactive book, your child won’t just read but also be able to play and record. J and I like to go page for page while we record the story. The classic “Dr. Seuss’ ABC’s” is a free sample so you may want to start there to see if your child enjoys this format before purchasing other titles. Great for kids who can get a little rough with actual books. Titles start at $2.99, they tend to go on sale every so often, usually around Dr. Seuss’ birthday (March), that’s usually when I stock up.

Dr. Seuss

These are just a few apps we’ve come to know and love in our house. They serve as a great opportunity for J and I to practice appropriate play skills such as taking turns and encouragement. They are also great while on the go as they keep him entertained and learning. I’ll add some more that we use soon. Let me know if you’ve had any success with these apps as well or any you would like me to include in the next list. Thanks.

-JRED

Spreading Awareness of the World of Autism- What is Stimming?

Ever crack your knuckles or your neck? Maybe you rub your hands when your thinking or nervous. We do these things to self soothe and feel more comfortable. Some times we do it without even noticing because it just feels good. Well that’s basically the purpose of stimming in a person living with Autism. Unlike most people who have self stimulating habits, someone on the spectrum may have no control over this. Some common stimms I’ve seen in my son J are humming, hand clapping, jumping, rocking and visual/audio stimulants. Here are some of his favorite stimm videos, he will watch these over an over, rewinding and fast forwarding to achieve the visual or audio stimulation he enjoys:

It’s a form of self soothing but can be unproductive, socially inappropriate and further detaches J from us so I try to limit this kind of stimm with redirection. I even point out to him that he is stimming so he can become aware of this behavior and eventually redirect himself toward something more enriching and socially engaging. I will usually suggest a new activity, for example if he is stimming on YouTube I will suggest going to a more interactive site like PBS Kids so we can play a game together. If he is humming or rocking while we are out I will try to apply deep pressure to his shoulders and arms, here’s an example of what I mean:

Stimming- (as defined by North Shore Pediatric Therapy ) – Stereotypy or self-stimulatory behavior refers to repetitive body movements or repetitive movement of objects. These movements are used solely to stimulate one’s own senses. This behavior is common in many individuals with developmental disabilities; it appears to be most common in children and adults with autism. It is important to note that not all self-injurious behaviors are considered to be self- stimulatory. Self-injurious behavior can also be communicative.

If you have any stimming stories or recommendations please share below and share to spread the awareness of why people with Autism stimm. Thanks.

-JRED

6 Activities for Grandparents To Do With Their Grandchild Who Lives With Autism.

Don't Forget To Have Fun!
Don’t Forget To Have Fun!

J is one of 16 grandchildren and the only one on the spectrum. My nieces and nephews thankfully all know how to engage, ask questions and speak their minds like most kids. I think sometimes when it comes to J most people forget that they have to initiate the conversation and interaction when trying to create a bond. Luckily most people are very open-minded to any suggestions toward engaging with J, especially my parents. They are always looking for ways to include him when he comes to visit. I’ve learned one of the best ways to bond with J is to engage in a learning activity of some sort. He loves when I teach him things like cooking, a craft, reading, even gardening. Here are 6 activities grandparents or anyone looking to bond with a child on the spectrum can try.

1. Reading– When J goes with his grandparents for the night I like to stop by the library and pick up a few books to send him with something new so he’s not expecting them to read it the way I do. I pick out books that are at his reading level so he can read to them as well. When we read together I like to go page for page with J. I give him lots of time and assist by hinting the sounds of words that are tricky for him. Sometimes he gets so confident he will take over and read the whole book to me. Before he could read as well we spent more time discussing the pictures. I did most of the talking but he was certainly listening, learning and enjoying the shared moment.

2. Cleaning- Although it is not J’s favorite thing to do he does like learning a new skill, being helpful and feeling accomplished when its done. When I want J to help out by cleaning I ask him to do simple things like carry the clothes from the dryer to my bed, and take the dishes out of the dishwasher. He also helps make the beds, and fold his laundry. One of his favorite things is to help fold sheets and blankets because I give him a kiss when our corners meet. Cleaning can be a great opportunity to talk and explain simple tasks that are part of life. I wouldn’t recommend having them help with things that you like a specific or intricate way unless you don’t mind doing it again afterward. This could become frustrating for the both of you if the task is too difficult for the child.  Always keep the child’s capabilities in mind not their age.

3. Gardening and Yard Work- When I am gardening I like to give J a little project of his own I will have him dig holes for my seeds or scoop up dirt to fill the holes. I always make sure he is wearing clothes I don’t mind getting trashed as well. His favorite thing is to water everything. TIP- if letting your assistant gardener water your plants, fill the can with just enough water so they don’t over water. Don’t be afraid to enlist older stronger kids to push around a wheel barrel or rake up some leaves. With simple instruction our kids can be pretty helpful. Don’t forget to stand back and admire the work you have accomplished together and always show your pride and appreciation for their help.

4. Cooking and Meal Preparation- J is very curious about what goes on in the kitchen mainly because he is a picky eater and wants to know just how and what is going into his food. I saw this as a great opportunity to get him involved. He enjoys mixing, measuring and pouring. He also likes when I tell him about all my ingredients and when I explain what I am doing. His favorite recipes are dough based, I always make him a personal dough ball so he can roll it around and squish it to his liking for a while. This is a great opportunity to teach sequence and time,  for example, “first we do ABC, then we do LMNOP, after TUV amount of time we have XYZ.” If you want to make it a bit easier you can write out simple steps ahead of time to create a visual. Have them refer back to it for each step. Be sure to work in an area you don’t mind getting messy or prep it for the potential mess. Enlisting them for clean up is also a great idea but be sure to keep their capabilities in mind, for example J is good at taking things to the sink, rinsing them off and loading the dishwasher, not so great at wiping the table off without flinging most of it to the ground.  Setting the table is also an easy way to make your kitchen assistant feel helpful.

5. Pass Down an Interest or Hobby- whether your handy with wood or like to knit sharing a personal hobby can be rewarding for both grandparent and child on the spectrum. Try to share a simpler aspect of the hobby first for example if you are good with carpentry, teach them to hammer a nail before trying to build something like a birdhouse. Use some scrap wood so they can practice it a few times. Maybe bird watching is your hobby, most kids like using binoculars, make a game of it by seeing how many birds they can find. Maybe photography is your hobby, start out simple by teaching them to pick a subject, maybe a favorite toy, and take a picture of it.

6. Prayer- I recently started teaching my son about prayer and the belief in God. I have taken him to church when no one is there but have not yet worked up to a full mass. When I was a kid my grandmother taught me prayers and took me to church all the time. Our faith is still something we share to this day.

Whatever activity you decide remember to always keep the child’s abilities in mind, they maybe thirteen but also maybe unable to cut with a knife. Don’t ask them if they want to do it, invite them to do it with you. Try to make each activity fun and exciting even if it seems simple and mundane to you. Explain the importance behind it. Keep instructions simple. Always be encouraging but allow them to make mistakes and when correcting BE PATIENT AND KIND. Share your own stories about how you learned this skill or why you enjoy said hobby, they may not be able to communicate much back but they are listening.

Let me know if this post helps or share your own stories and ideas for activities you have found to be enjoyable below.  Thanks.

-JRED

When Things Don’t Go Well, We Dust Ourselves Off and Try Again

We had an outing with J’s team mates this weekend and I basically set this event up for disaster. First mistake, I scheduled a visit with grandma and grandpa Saturday night. He stayed up pretty late hanging out with his grandparents and I didn’t state the importance of getting him to bed at a specific time either.  It had been a while since he slept over so I forgot how out of sorts the transition back makes him. I didn’t even stop to think that it would have an effect on his behavior for the outing.

Before we left for the party we had dinner and I gave J an ice cream cone for dessert, mistake number 2. The event was on a Sunday evening normally I like to be home by 6:00P.M. on Sunday nights to give J time to settle before he starts the week. His behavior had been so good lately that I thought it would be ok. Mistake number 3. The party was at one of his favorite places so I thought it would be awesome for him to experience it with his buddies and didn’t want him to miss the opportunity even though it didn’t coincide with his routine.

When we go to this place as a family we tend to go late at night towards closing when most young kids aren’t there, since small kids are J’s biggest trigger. Being that this was an event for kids on the spectrum I figured it was private and closed to the public, but I didn’t ask, and it wasn’t. Mistake number 4. There were little kids everywhere and the noise level was up there, something I didn’t prep J about. It was definitely too much for J. His dilated eyes darted everywhere and he couldn’t keep still. He was clearly over stimulated and very uncomfortable. We decided it best to go.

As we were heading over to the area where our party was congregating to say our goodbyes, J’s behavior spiked and he started to gear up for an outburst. Within seconds he honed in on this one little kid and lunged to grab him, something he will do when he has reached his max. He usually just squeezes the person wherever he grabs them, but sometimes the squeeze is very hard and definitely scary to a small child, as my boy is 5’9″, 130lbs. I stopped him just in time, looked at the kids father and mouthed “I’m so sorry” as I escorted J outside. I told him “you do not grab little kids.” I followed it up with a punishment of no iPad for the rest of the evening and took him home.

It had been such a long time since we’ve seen this behavior from J, so long since we’ve had to leave some place because he was overwhelmed. The place was too loud for him, his triggers over ruled his ability to cope. On the ride home J went on crying and repeating his usual “remorse script”. To those of you who don’t know what scripting is in terms of Autism, it’s a phrase a child with autism will repeat over and over, sometimes they learn it from a movie or overhearing someone say it. To someone unfamiliar with them it would sound irrelevant or like nonsense, but I knew this particular one’s meaning having heard it similarly used before. It meant “I’m upset that I messed up, I’m upset.”

As I drove I tried to tune him out and began to dissect what just happened. Unfortunately when it comes to J, I’m a dweller, tend to over analyze, and I am my toughest critic. Besides the 4 mistakes I listed above, I found several more things I could have done differently as I replayed the last 20 minutes over in my mind. It took every ounce of my hormonal second trimester self not to cry about it in the car. When we got home I asked Big J to get little J ready for bed, I needed a moment to just cry it out and deal with the emotion away from J. I was feeling so disappointed. Disappointed because he grabbed a little kid, because he couldn’t enjoy himself with his buddies, because I couldn’t do anything about it and I felt like I failed him, like I let him down.

It still might have gone the same way no matter what preparations I would have made, the thing is, I would have felt better about it personally. It would have just been something J couldn’t do and I would have been OK with that, but when he falters because I didn’t prepare him enough, I feel like a failure. Although it may have been something I have zero control over, when I don’t prep well, I feel like it’s completely my fault.

When I do this to myself my husband tells me “nobody likes a Monday morning quarterback”, it’s his cheeky way of telling me it’s over, it happened, just do better next time. And he’s right, I can spend so much time beating myself up, listing my mistakes, that I miss the fact that we tried! We tried to get J together with his buddies, so what if it didn’t go perfectly, we took him out.

“Nobody Likes a Monday morning Quarterback”

He made a mistake grabbing the kid, but everyone is OK and it was an opportunity for him to learn from that mistake. All kids make mistakes and so do parents. Things won’t always run smooth, it’s what we do afterwards that defines us. It was a learning moment, for both of us, as parenting a child living with Autism tends to be. A moment to see our mistakes, deal with the consequences, forgive ourselves and hopefully do better next time.

-JRED

Getting Back on Track After Spring Break- Positive Reinforcment Plan

Today was J’s first day back to school and although I always hope for the best I always prepare for the worst. J has a hard time with transitions which can be pretty typical for kids on the spectrum. Usually, I can prepare him with schedules and notes on the calendar, but when it’s something he dreads like school, the prep just brings on anxiety and prolongs the behavior. He started last night.

As soon as I said to him “J, it’s time to get ready for bed”, his happy mood quickly became the foreboding rumble of thunder that is heard before a thunder-storm. To the untrained ear, they would just be sounds and grunts but I know what those exact sounds mean, “I am not happy and you are about to incur my wrath!” I quickly felt my blood pressure elevate and my heartbeat quicken, “fight or flight” kicks in on a hair-trigger,  but I took several deep breaths and did my best to remain calm, “if I lose it so does he”, I thought to myself. J began imitating me inhaling and exhaling, which made me laugh and reminded me how much I love this kid and how special he can be.

With my mind a little clearer I focused on redirection, reminding J of his “stars”. Since J has such a difficult time going places or doing things that challenge his sensory comfort zone, I came up with a Positive Reinforcement Plan(PRP). He wasn’t a big fan of stickers until I found these gold stars. They meant something to him and he wanted to earn them, especially since earning a specified amount resulted in a prize of his choosing. This method of positive reinforcement was a huge help when J returned to school after home instruction and to this day it still keeps him motivated. It also keeps his aggressive behavior down. He knows if he acts out at school or on the bus it will affect his star for the day and take him longer to earn his prize.

I call this method “The Star Student”. Like the five points of a star there are five characteristics of a “Star Student” and to earn a star sticker, J has to embody them in some way, breaking a rule like yelling or hitting will make him lose his star for the day. Although he gave me a hard time this morning and complained up until the moment he got on the bus, he redeemed himself by being a “Star Student”, so he received his star for the day. star

The behavior I saw last night and this morning had to have consequences or else I’m sure I’d see them again. So his TV time before bedtime was lessened, and it seemed that he understood why. I gently explained to him that he can not yell and scream at mommy in the morning, and if he does a better job tomorrow he will get his normal TV time back tomorrow night. He took his punishment like a big boy and went right to sleep, ahhh, is there anything better than when you get them down on time.

Here’s what I do to keep Jace motivated with his PRP:

  1. Identify an inexpensive but highly sought after motivator for your child, this shouldn’t cost much more than $5-$20, depending on your child’s level of maturity and your budget. The cheaper the better as this will be a weekly prize. You can also do a daily reward that is either an activity or something
  2. small as well to promote daily good behavior. For example- J works daily for TV time and a cup of ice cream when he gets home from school

Autism or not boys need structure and discipline, a boy with Autism needs it even more. It’s hard to be a drill sergeant mom sometimes, especially when your tired and all you want to do is cuddle them up, hopefully, he’ll thank me for it someday.

-JRED

Home Schooling with Autism- To Do List- 1.Get Organized!

Like schedules and routine, organization keeps stress down and my mind clear. Having a special needs child and being organized seems next to impossible, but it makes life much easier. Not just structurally, but mentally. It is said that our homes and spaces reflect our minds, and one look in my downstairs closet would show you there’s much I put away and forget about. That’s why it is so important to set aside time to organize my home and my mind. This became quite clear during home school. Thankfully To-Do-List made life much more Do-Able.

thingstodo

Once dinner was done and J was down for the count, I was so tired that I wouldn’t even want to talk anymore. I spent the day talking slow which is challenging for me as I speak a mile a minute. Much energy was also spent on being extremely patient, repeating words again and again, and exaggerating enunciation  that by nine o’ clock I was sick of my own voice. Not to mention all the other things I had to do once home school hours ended, I was spent. I would have headaches and my voice would be so hoarse no amount of tea and honey would soothe it. It seemed like the only down time was bedtime.  I would tell my husband, Big J, “just talk, you do the talking, tell me all about your day” which was surprising to him since getting me to shut up is usually the challenge. Midway through his recollection of the day, my exhaustion would conquer me and I’d knock out.

I realized I had to do something to get ahead of this rapid pace I was setting for myself during the day. I worked in midtown Manhattan for years before turning my total attention to J, so I was accustomed to a fast pace, busy life, but the work day ended at some point. I left the office and it’s troubles behind until the next day. I had to come up with some life hacks for home schooling. I had to get organized. So I asked my mom to take J for the day. I spent the day balancing my life by creating realistic goals and limits on work so that I could spend time off from being J’s teacher and more time being mom, wife, and me.

I sat down with a pen, and paper and wrote out two list. One was titled “Things to do for Me”. The second list was ” Things to do for J”. Writing down all the things looming in my mind made it much less daunting. The panicked feeling of “oh! I forgot all about that” was gone, because each task was accounted for on my trusty list. It may sound silly and simple but they help and I always feel such a sense of accomplishment when I can cross something off the list “and sigh of relief, its done”.  I could also see options for what could be incorporated into the home school schedule, like my workout during PE, visiting my family as a social activity, dropping off donations to the church, recycling, paying and mailing out bills could all be great living skills opportunities for J. I just had to get creative in my thinking and brave in my planning. Outings were and sometimes still can be a challenge. I’ll talk more about how I handled that in a later post.

So with my mind mentally organized I didn’t feel so overwhelmed, I knew I was going to have time to watch a movie with Big J after little J went to sleep because I didn’t have to run to the post office or workout, or grocery shop. I already did that during the day with J. I even had time put aside to write and do research about Autism after we ate dinner. I asked Big J to give me an hour of alone time while he spent some quality “guy time” with little J. Yes! I even learned how to ask for help and how to delegate. I didn’t need to do it all on my own as I had myself believe.

I typed up about two weeks worth of lesson plans. I got everything ready for them like supplies, worksheets, bookmarked websites, and anything that I would normally find myself scrambling to do with the 15 minute breaks I had between each lesson. Our breaks were short to keep J on task, any longer and he would lose interest, get into mischief,  and be much more difficult to refocus. The faster I could move through subjects the better. I could now sit down next to him during a break and have a cook of tea and recover before the next lesson. This planning made me feel empowered and inspired, even if I was only cutting up eggs for the Green Eggs and Ham counting game we were going to play in math.

I imagine this is what most teachers do daily, prepare as much as possible ahead of time. I never studied to be a teacher so my teaching skills stemmed from playing school when I was a child and being a student myself. I always did like being the teacher when we played school, but we were not “playing school” anymore, this was J’s future and this was hard, challenging work. I regard good teachers as great strategist now.

Being organized helped me add more elements of fun to the day. I was more care free and able to be in the moment because I wasn’t worried about preparing for the next moment, it was already prepared for. There is so much in life that can not  be anticipated, but with a good amount of organization and planning the unexpected becomes manageable.

Feeling overwhelmed comes with the territory of raising a special needs child and children in general. If you feel like you are drowning or just can’t seem to get it all done try making list to gain mental organization. Start with the time sensitive priorities at the top. Understand that you may not check everything off in one day and allow yourself enough time to properly tend to each. I like to give myself due dates especially for bills or tasks that have deadlines. If this feels like it adds too much pressure don’t write deadlines just what needs to get done. See what you can ask others to help out with. Then execute! Make it your mission to get at least two things or even one done a day. Be realistic about how much time each task will take to do properly and then make that time. Before you know it that list will get smaller and smaller. I hope this helps, please let me know if writing lists helps you out or if you have any questions please don’t hesitate to comment.

Here is a link to a helpful article about the many options of To-Do templates you can use with your device if you like to be a little more tech savvy than a pen and paper allow: Finding the best to do list app with a to do list template

TO DO LIST Template provided by Microsoft Office Templates

-JRED

 

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